Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Daily Poems #40-48

I have been avoiding my blog for only one reason; procrastination. After trying out the National Novel Writing Month I discovered how much I have to learn and how easily our minds are distracted in the month of November sometimes. Maybe next year I'll do much better and be able to hold tight of my goals better. I wrote these a bit ago and never had posted because I wanted to post more than what was here. These poems were written for the days of October 26th - November 2nd. Please enjoy. 



Your song
from such lips
are like heaven to my heart.

My ears could bleed
the happiness
out of my soul for such a voice as yours.

Words need no such thing
as making sense.

For your lips make plenty of it
to the beautiful pull of a
perfectly played violin.



This land is like an ocean to me.
Deep and dark
with unknown places
our hearts are always never so sure of.

The voices from above us
shall always play.
Yet dangerous this land shall stay
as thousands of years before.



My heart shall love you so
in such perfect moments.
And so shall you stay
with my welcome
for far too long.

Hear me.
My beautiful distractions.
How I love your
overgrown stays
far too much.
And hold close
in my arms
for only venomous results.

Embracing as such
has only killed me.
Yet hold on tight
I shall, till such an end of endless time.
And how similar to love.
This unforgivable praise
I give to you.

So speak back.
And please
favor my heart in the acceptance
of the all famous
words to only give
as an undeniable



Love me.
For far too long.

Kiss me.
For the sake of persuasion.

Hold me.
For the sake of the night.

And lift me high.
For my heart to fly.



Flowers shall blow in the wind
as children's laughter echo's in such beautiful light.
And as such minds drift in wonder
so shall those of genius and unkind.

As some shall shed tears
others, with smiles.
And the trees shall sway for them
with the worlds acceptable miles.

Some shall dance in delicate steps
while some shall morn.
And when the sun rises
so shall then such miracles 
beautiful children shall be born.



To walk with her
and her beautiful heels.
Red as rose
and petite with ease.
Your eyes will thank
with grins to kill.

To feel her
smooth skin.
Soft as the clouds
Electric impulse shall shock you
with urgent love.

To kiss her
with heavens thanks.
Such worlds
never to compare.
Shall take you forever
locked with ease.



This grass between my toes
shall speak of times
I will never know.
And the winds
shall whisper to me
times for no one to know.

To hear
I shall not.
For the sun shining above me
tells me to never.
And the land below me
shall hug me in my shivers.

Folding hands
will stretch my arms far above me
falling to such soft grass below.
And as my smile shall grow
the clouds will cover me
as blankets shall
from such bright skies.

Eyes wet with love
I will look above
to embrace.
For such wonderful days
to always have and hold
in my arms of embrace.



Such strength you have
in those tiny feet.
How you dance
with such delicate power.
I watch you drift
up and down the mystical stage.
Prance you shall
with care.
Standing tall
your delicate fingers shall reach to the skies.
Your eyes
big, washed with grace.
Your long neck
shall bend gently.
As your toes
carry you away with might.
You make your way
across the water like floor.
Breeze you shall
through Chopin's piano.
And lay down
like a beautiful wilting flower.


Monday, October 25, 2010

Daily Poems #38-40


My mind so scattered,
shall repeat itself
once again.

As I begin to feel sick
over the same emotions
from my heart,
I will vomit
what will push it's way out
onto this screen.

I wish
for once
I knew how to express
what it is I truly desire to,
but what may come
for I am only the messenger.

You might ask of me,
and Yes I shall reply.
For sometimes
my heart and soul
shall dance somewhere distant,
and I will only paint the floor.

There will be no show
for me.
My subconscious
has secrets form me.
So many
not to tell.

And so I continue,
piece by piece.
For one day
I shall have all the pieces
to connect
in time,
for a withering mind.



When fallen to sleep.
Drift I may,
through lost lands
of this mysterious earth.

There my soul
shall swim,
in colors of others.
in a whirlpool
of home.

Night after night,
I will meet you there,
if you please do.
And we'll share winds of courage
far from the stables
of life.

we shall be,
to the darkness
of an angel.
And race
we shall,
to our temples
of light.

When we wake
we shall forget.
come home,
we will,
as a sleepers
bright sight.



Her glittery eyes
are like that of an oceans water
in a full moon night.

When she smiles
it is as though
all the world
shall have its sunset.

She gives pain to my eyes
with the beauty
she possesses.
And she will always know it.

For when she see's me
I shall cave back
into my grave.


Number 40, represents a passion I have towards my future written novel. I have entered a contest called National Novel Writing Month. It's for the month of November. Everyone is to write a 50,000 word (at the least) novel by Nov. 30th. There is a story that I have decided on writing since I joined a few days ago and I'm pretty sure I am set on it. I think it could be a success. As long as I don't procrastinate to the point of failure. They tell you to keep in mind, quantity over quality. Some may say the opposite, or that they meant the opposite. But they didn't. This contest is meant for those writers out there, like myself, who, always just puts writing a novel to the side. We critique ourselves so much, it may sometimes take, those like me, five or more years to finish a novel. And maybe even one that isn't as good as it could'v been. If not for all of the re-thinking and re-vising. The good thing about writing this novel, is that they never want you to take down what you build. They just want you to continue building. How beautiful. And exactly what I need to push myself harder to really do it and go through with it and finish it. I'll be so proud of myself if I really get this thing done. And I think I need that.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Daily Poem #37


As I think
of such places,
such as you,
I may drift
To never return.

To lay
in such beauty.
Feel such earth
beneath my
bare bottom.
I can just sing.

As I think
of you,
beautiful meadow.
I am haunted.
by such a love.

My love
for you,
shall never die.
shall you be lost
in my memories.

And so for now,
I shall dream
of faraway days,
where with you
I may be.
For always.

My Great-Grandmother Pat Passing

On Saturday night, October 16th, I received a text from my mom, while I was Vegas, telling me my Great-Grandma Pat had just passed. Being literally in the middle of the Vegas strip and hearing news like this was made it very hard for me to compose myself. I calmed myself by just simply accepting and remembering that this was not an accident. This was to be expected very soon. And today just so happened to be the day.

My Grandma Pat died from Leukemia. She suffered greatly. So for her to be gone now, I'm just glad she's not in pain any longer. She always said she just wanted get to be 80. She died 3 1/2 months before. I guess she was just ready.

Today I'll be driving out with my Aunt Stella and boyfriend Nick for my grandmothers funeral. It's about a five hour drive. We won't get out of here till at least after 6 or 7 p.m. so that means we won't get into town until at least midnight or so. And it might be a long drive. Obama is supposed to be in L.A. today. Lets hope they close a bunch of freeways and we can get going a little sooner. It's gonna be a long weekend.

But at least I got something red. My Grandma Esther, Great-Grandma Pat's daughter, decided we should all wear something red to my grandmothers funeral because it was her favorite color. Being that it's not my favorite, I literally had absolutely nothing red. My mom sister and I went out looking, and trust me, in fall, it is very difficult to find. Everything is orange, and pink! So finally I found a scarf, my mom bought jewelery and my sister got ribbon to tie around her little black dress. I hope my Grandma Pat likes it. I know she'll be looking down on us tomorrow. And we'll all be embracing it. 

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Daily Poems #30-36

I am behind once again in my Daily Poems. And proving once again that I am one of the biggest procrastinator in the world. But this will have to stop soon. Very soon. And by November 1st. I'm entered in a contest called the National Novel Writing Month. They are giving me 30 days, till November 30th, to complete a 50,000 word novel. My cousin Roma sent me the link today and I just couldn't help myself. I said, "I have to do this"! So starting November 1st I'm sure I will update about my progress. I'll probably be buried in my room with lots of tea and bread scratching my head until it bleeds. But we'll see. And until then, I must write my free-write poetry. I will write 7, since I  have not written any in one week. Please enjoy.


cast down upon me
dark skies
in blue
and not black.

for in this darkness
i must have light
to take me through
such night as this.

i have lost my way
in the streets
of life
and shall starve.

feed me your light
until hunger is no more
and i shall
worship you for all time.

i shall sacrifice
for you
and body
of any kind.

i shall be yours
in the this light
of blue.



for you
i shall only hold
true love.

you shall
kiss me with
a caress.

and i will
forever for you.

fall with me
my beautiful God.

into heavens
of dreams.

where we shall part
in time.

hold me
for the winds
may take me.

and care
i shall not
if i am in your arms.

kiss you
i shall
with caress.

and you
shall fall
forever for me.



Long lost words
please come to me

I have begged of you
for so long.

You were here
for such short
a moment.

And now

For the longest
of times.

Please feed
this hunger inside
I have for you

You belong to me
and have disobeyed
for much too long
in this time.

Come hither
and I will bless
thee with beautiful words
beside it. you.

I will give
what only a
can give
to thee.

And forever they
shall stay
with only you.

Come to me.

And I will gift you
with love
that only I can give
with words from you.

My inner soul.



The smell of rain
to my nose
can be very much like
the sun
to a daisy.

At times I feel myself
for just a moment.

In a moment
clarity becomes me
and all that matters
will be my feet planted
where they lay.

The skies will feel
as though they shall open
just for me.

Emotions may
surround with the most
of love. 

And that the earth
had only waited for my existence
for all time.

To be here.

To enjoy it's life
in my own.

For the pureness
of existing with it
in such beautiful days.

So crisp the air
it shall hug me
with it's love.

Kiss me
with its air.

And surround me.

For to stand
planted in such a state
would be as a
child to it's mother.



Walk with me.
In a night
filled with purple lips.

Come with me.
In a sea
in a bottle
for two.

Laugh with me.
With purple lips.

And we shall
all the purple



The bridge of hope
should be cracking now.

For all the sorrow
in this world.

There shall be no more

For too many
it is now lost
in the forest
of doubt.

Although it shall call.

No matter

For in a time,
of selfish
and gluttony,
there are no ears
for such place.

And what shall happen then
to those in need of it?

Shall they fall
as with their first footsteps
into the dark abyss
of sin?

Or shall they pass,
through time itself,
to a future
where Perfect
always shall have a place.

Will the neglect
savor it's friends
in the end?

Or will even Hell
take over the innocent?


36. "Far Away Land"

My far away land.
How very near you can be.

For as I lay here
I can hear your waves
crashing upon my ears
so easily.

My far away land.
How very convenient
you can be.

When all the world
is as a stranger to me.
And you,
the perfect being,
shall be waiting.
Just for me.

My far away land.
How shall I leave you?

For to lie
you have never.
Nor left me
in times of need.

My far away land.
How shall I leave you?

When you are my love.
You are
my very being.

I shall take you in,
as all I know.
For I have no need
for the rest.

With your sands
in my finger tips,
I shall stay at ease.


My far away land.


With a glass of wine they are now finished. Hopefully I can start posting these when I should instead of cramming 7 poems into one sitting. Although that might be good for me. Hope the editing is more appealing rather than annoying with reading. I would love share more of my mind and my situation in life right now but the time seems to be dragging me down into desiring sleep more than anything. So until next time.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Daily Poems #28 & 29

I have decided with the continuance of my successful free-writing poetry that I shall make things interesting and post my every moves. My instant editing. I will leave my mistakes where they are and simply cross them out. Perhaps it will give an idea to my reader of how my train of thought was working. It may be a bit of a distraction for some, but for now maybe some will like it. Please, enjoy.


#28 - "Angel Be Still"

Stars arise
when I think of you.

All will be still
in darkness of night
as I blow my kisses
to your open heart.

Fly a little
with me
my precious

Through skies
of blissful twinkling delight
only you
and I shall know.

With you
by my side
can touch me.

My lips
shall warm
your soul
with endless love.

And drift we may
far away.


#29 - "Puppy Doubt"

My dear creature
how you stare so still.

Emotions arise
from your light brown eyes.

Such beautiful conversing 
in heavy silence.

Tell me your story,
dear creature of mine.

Bid me a tale
from your deep pull.

I am soft to you
as your paws show affection.

Giving you 
what love I can.

Your silence is heavy
with endless care.

I will never look away
my dear best friend.

Listen I may
time again.

And hold you so
for your hard times to end.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Daily Poems #23-27


As time will fall
so shall the tides
like fallen angels
from the sky.

Hearts will burn
as souls shall fly
like dragons
in the fire.

And as my eyes
shall collapse
on such a beautiful face
so will all the world.



my darlings.
How you shine
in this day.

The sun
shall carry you
in seasons

Such beauty
for saints.
You shall stop me
in my claims.

For to have
you in my arms
is a gift
in this rain.



Cover me in moss.
For I never want to leave
this place.

I praise these trees
in such green.
Crispest of airs.

Wrap your arms around me
my dream.

My soul,
never to part from you,
stay the same.

I give myself
to such purest of

Caress me
as I will to you.
And take me within your grounds.

Drown me in
your love.
As I wish to be.

To become,
of such a place.

My heart shall
beg upon you.
Until my soul shall take.

And my love
may never
leave you.



Wash me of my sins.
For I am lost.

I have prayed
for you.
With no sign.

For only
my Gods hands.

Wash me
of twisted

As I beg
on bloody knees.

I shall wait for you.
Almighty hands.

Take me
in rain
as I have been told.

Wash me.
From the dark.



Follow me.
To the deepest
of doubts.

Follow me.
Until there's
nothing left.

Follow me.
Down to
my sins.

Follow me.
To hells

Listen to me.
My faltered

Listen to me.
My hollow

Listen to me.
Grow oh
so cold.

Listen to me.
and old.

Leave me not.
For I have darkness
to share.

Leave me not.
For I shall share
my despair.

Leave me not.
I shall rot here
with out you.

Leave me not.
For I want you
all to myself.

Families Sickness Filled Weekend

Five Daily Poems are due as of today. I have been resting and getting my mind together after a very rough weekend full of family health stress. When I arrived with my family to see my Great-Grandma Pat on Friday, she was in horrible condition. She had gone through a stroke and her hearing was weak along with her voice, gone. I guess it's very common. By Friday night though we could tell that she could hear everything we were saying. Saturday morning she was getting a few words out and that made us very happy. She was extremely malnourished from living basically on her own with no help. Fighting leukemia with hardly a diet at all would wear anyone down. By Sunday my Great-Grandma Pat was in such better condition it was like a weight lifted. She was sitting herself up with her arms and moving her legs by herself. I was so happy. I know the leukemia will catch up with her regardless but at least for now we know that she can still eat, she's gaining weight and getting a little of her strength back. Now all she needs is her Star magazines and I think she'll be 100% more comfortable. My mom got sick and had to leave before she passed it to grandma. The look on my grandma's face was just unbearable. She was so sad. She didn't want my mom to go at all. All Sunday night my grandma was crying for her when she would wake and all Monday morning also. It's been wearing on my mother a lot and many think my mom got sick from stress in the first place. Just makes me worry she might be sick even longer.

On Sunday we visited my aunt Danielle in the hospital who was having her gallbladder removed. She also has a tumor on her liver which stresses us all but in good time, three weeks, it will be removed and hopefully will be behind us. She's had to spend so much time in the hospital the past couple weeks. Stuck on liquids and mushy food for 11 days. Poor thing. And the one who's doing the worst is my cousin Brittany. The poor girl has lost so much weight from her rare condition. Her intestines have failed her. She's had ulcers among ulcers and she's already had one surgery which somehow not only didn't work but things become much worse extremely fast after. My step-Dad went to see her over the weekend while we were close to the area and he told us it was one of the hardest things he has ever had to witness. That the amount of pain Brittany is in right now is just intolerable. I pray everyday that some sort of information comes about and they can fix her. She's only 19 years old and she's suffering everyday. Add drama to this weekend and ridiculous situations and there you have it. What I'v been doing the past five days which have held me once again from my promises of Daily Poems.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Killing Time

Today it became very certain that my Great-Grandma Pat is dying. I was sitting in my moms car writing and I got a text from Mom saying, "Esther (my aunt) just called...she said grandma is not responding...she may be passing soon." My heart melted in that moment and I hated being alone. We all knew that she would be going soon. But when it's actually happening you find yourself completely unprepared. Later, in the evening of today, my mom, sister, dad and I will be driving out to Nor-Cal to visit hopefully and be with her before she passes. She's always been very strong, so I wouldn't doubt her still being here when we get there. I can only hope.

I wonder a lot of times about how my Grandmother is doing. To be losing your mother. The thought of it makes me weep. I can't imagine my mother getting old or so sick that I have to sit beside her on her death bed. What a horrible image, and yet it is exactly what my grandmother, and my great uncles and aunts are doing now. Not to mention my Great-Grandma Pats sister. I look at my sister now, just a child and cannot picture us in such a situation. It's one of the hardest things to relate to. Everyone's loss is different even if you are all connected. I feel a lot of guilt as I think my mom might also because I would like to think that taking my Grandma Pat out of the environment she wanted to stay in and making her come live with us to take care of her, would have been a better solution. That maybe she could have had more time. But you can't make someone do something they really don't want to do. My Grandma Pat is going the way I think she wanted to. At home. With loved ones around her. Hopefully not alone in the night.

Here is the poem I was writing when I got the text....

Fifteen minutes to kill,

and I feel the
impatience already.

My heart pounds
with my feelings request
and I cannot forsake it.

Although annoyed,
I feel at peace.
For I am learning.

I shall crumble here
in this dark place
I call my mind.
Ponder in the black
halls of such a
lonely night.

Tears may fall,
as I am calm.
And my soul
shall shout aloud.

Ten minutes to kill,

and I feel my bones
want to crack.
To melt inside of me
as my throat
will collapse.

Sob I may,
to pass my time.
And when winds come
they shall blow me dry.

For my stomach is weak.
Emotions linger
And my body is
aching from this
brilliant overflow.

Overwhelmed I should say
but my heart
will stand still.

Five minutes to kill.

Seaming as though
I am now frozen.
Silence shall become me
in my bitter
lonesome chat.

For my nerves
have become me
and I shall smile no longer.
Back slouching
to melt me away
from these problems.

Sit here
I shall.
Until time
may run out.
And as I relax
my bones,
so shall my thoughts.


This poem was a free-write, as are most of my random work. I would like to name it, but I am never sure what to title any of my poems. It used to be that I would name them after the last two words in the poem. But sometimes that doesn't always work out so swell.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Daily Poems #20-22


When sea's pass me
I watch.

They swing with such might
and my little body smiles.

For I am planted

The sea's will know
as they know all.

They shall smile back at me
and around me they shall fall.


My soul shall find you.
Beautiful strings.

Your sound,
with passion.

I feel your strength.
The sweet soft strength,
of vibrations to come.

As my body echo's
the sounds of your drum,
so shall my heart.

For my mind will drift
with you.

You haunt my everything.
My mind,
forbidden to leave.

So pure must you be,
Stealing my peace.

I shall never leave you,
my piece of mind.
For you complete.

My thoughts they wait,
in silence.
For the strings to melt me so.

And take me you shall,
Interlude II.


When all is dark,
with no more hope.

You come to me
with your bright light.

As you shall blind me
I see no more black.

Yet with nothing else
I am now blinded in white.

My soul was weak before
but now is strong.

No longer shall I stand in your bright light
but make my own.

Need you no longer
I shun you.

For to blind the innocent
makes such a bold nuisance.

This child now woman
shall stand tall in darkness or light,


Monday, October 4, 2010

Daily Poems #12-19

I am once again behind on my Daily Poems. So to catch up, I shall once again free-write eight Haiku's. Because they'r so much fun! This time however, I shall write my Haiku's the "proper" way. Only three lines! Each. So here it shall go.

Daily Poems....


As she will sit down,
her bones shall crack of aching
with motherhoods bless.


I say to myself
everything will be fine
in this lonesome place


these little feet kick
with wonderful life for me
and the magic of love


day light hits my skin
and the warmth shall overwhelm
sun, hug me with bliss.


dance, the whole night through
dance with strength and speed tonight
with rhythms delight


little creatures stare
from side to side they will look
with worry in soul


with fear among them
they gather with their sharp sticks
tribes fear the un-dead


oh mother-nature
how your gifts shall pain me so
and fall now I may

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Daily Poem #11

I will cast you gone
to the darkest place.
Bid you goodbye
with your race.
Feed you I shall not
dirty rat!
Hair shall be shaved
of it's nasty nat.

I will cast you to work
in the worst conditions.
Your heart shall soon
no longer function.
Mind you
I shall not.
And my actions will soon
only be forgot.

I will cast you to death
in hells flames.
Make you pay
for your peoples claims.
You shall soon be
no longer.
Forever taken
in heavy dust yonder.

I have always had a huge interest in the Holocaust. How something so traumatic had lasted as long as it had is unfortunate, yet genius. As much as people hate to admit, Hitler was extremely smart and gifted. Although he used his gifts in the most darkest ways. Most evil and controlling ways ever imagined. Years ago I would read book after book on anything I could find from the times of the Holocaust. Only a few things have kept with me that I may never forget. Josef Mengele, "the Angel of Death," was one of the worst followers of Hitler. Experimenting on twins. Never using anesthetics on any of his patients. He believed it was the only way of knowing what was really happening to the nerves. He tortured children all the time and gave them chocolate as if it somehow equaled out the odds. But without him we wouldn't know so many things in science about our bodies. So many more lives would have been lost due to ignorance. But it still isn't justified. In fact for most people, knowing where the information came from that you would have received such help in an illness or defect, you would probably feel guilty. No matter, I will always stay true to the saying, "everything happens for a reason." I live by it. Because everyday it is proved to be true if you just look around. All the evil in the world, can be learned from. And after all, sometimes it takes war and killing, to bring peace.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Daily Poem #10

The big ten! I know I already posted poetry very early this morning, however, those are not counting towards an actual Poem of the Day. I gave myself a bit of a challenge today by asking my friends and family on Facebook what subject my Daily Poem should be on today. I received three answers; strength, gin n' juice (which I would like to change to red wine) and growing older. Since I was only given three, I thought, what the heck, I'll do them all. 

there are times
where we may fall.
times of misled

there are times
when we may fumble.
times of clumsy

there are times
where we may slip.
times of wicked

there are times
when we will stand.
no faltering

there are times
where options are no more
to falter or heel.
to be without

there are times
when we must fight.
times of


Red Wine

dark is she
my beautiful friend.

she dances for me
in such a blend.

i kiss her gently
drink her well.

my lips will stain
tales to tell.

bitter is she
in this gloomy night.

she warms me still
my sweet delight.

as she lays me down
sleep i may.

my little drink
i'll never sway.


i say everything has changed today,
the sea's seem to speak.
the ground seems to weep.

i say everything has changed today,
animals seem to whisper
with secrets of winter.

i say everything has changed today,
the tree's have barked
to the winds remarks.

i say everything has changed today,
the streets much smaller
in this i wonder.

i see everything has changed today,
my eyes so clear
my soul so dear.

i see everything has changed today,
my heart has opened
with the world now relived.

I may write my last one again sometime. I am quite tired. Many upon many thing distracted me today from doing my Daily Poems when I had liked to. But it is not the end of the day just yet. And so I have accomplished my grand goal and am leaving it be. Two out of three is better than nothing at this time. Today has been interesting but I am glad to say it is now over and I shall bid myself goodnight. Hope you have enjoyed my tributes for today.

Midnight Desease

All day I have been telling myself that I wanted to write more and every time I do this I end up writers blocking myself. How does this happen. I get in the mood. Feel like I can write anything in the world. And somehow just can't find time, although I'm not doing a single thing. And then boom, I have nothing to say anymore. I'm interested in this circle of madness in myself. There really should be no excuses for it. So tonight...or today...this morning, I will attempt to force write...as this has become my major goal here.

The forest will call out to you,
as I have done many times before.

You hear the tiny calls
of even the rustles in the leaves.

Yet my screams have become mute to you
a silent thing in the night.

And there is nothing left
for me to say to speak to you.

Cold here,
in the night.


I write for days.
For days to come.
To come into light.
Into light from the night.
The night will speak to me.
To me alone it heals.
It heals my mind of suffering.
Of suffering in the cold.

The cold mind of mine.
Of mine to hold dearly.
Hold dearly do I of my thoughts.
My thoughts of sacred bliss.
Sacred bliss please take me.
Take me to your place.
Your place of beauty.
Of beauty I will write.


in the deep dark see of this lonely night,
I see you.
and in the depths of these thoughts of mine,
I hear you.

you are the darkest of lies,
the seas of my tears.
you have traveled far,
in my trust my dear.

in the light of a sunny day,
I shall not see you.
and in the cracks of my love,
I shall never hear you.

for my days will be of peace,
many smiles to come.
and my heart shall beat on,
for only me.


little chicken
don't cluck.
little chicken
please duck.

little chicken
just smile.
little chicken
wait a while.

little chicken
don't grow.
little chicken
to and fro.

little chicken
little chicken.
don't go.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Daily Poem #9

Getting hyped up on Irish Breakfast Tea, my favorite, and ready to write today.


dust becomes me
as I have left this earth.

in peace I will be
forever from now,
waiting not alone for you,
for my kin is around.

this moment
finally here
is a long lasting dream.

I know I shall be missed
although my heart
is now at peace.

as I was scared
once before,
I shall never again.

for I have tasted the fire
from my burning skin.

no pain
will I ever feel again.

dust has become me
in my beautiful end.

-Inspired by my Dad, Anthony Lampe.

Home Alone...Kinda

So my mom and step-dad had to leave yesterday. I'm not sure when they'll be back but Anthony's (my step-dad) niece, my cousin Brittany, was supposed to have a major open surgery today and for some reason I do now know of at this time, they canceled it today. I hope everything is going O.K. at least. She's been having extremely horrible problems with ulcers in her stomach. I only wish her the best and that somehow they can fix her enough to live her life. She's only eighteen and she has already had to go through one surgery, now this. I can't imagine what she might be going through. I contemplated on leaving with them, and in a way I think I should have, but my little sister shouldn't be missing any more school and then we would have had to figure something out for the dogs. I knew my boyfriend was going to be leaving today, therefore they would have no one to look after them Saturday or Friday night. So I stayed home to take care of things. The problem, I felt like I was by myself.

I guess you could say I have insecurity issues when it comes to the house or any place I am sleeping at. Are the locks good enough? Are the windows locked? Can I hear well enough outside? Will the dogs know? Yes. But I still worry. All night. I could hardly sleep last night. It got so bad I was literally watching time go by. I hate staring at my windows watching them get lighter. My boyfriend was here with me but our dog Ivy kept lifting her ears and was creeping me out. Maybe we both had the same issue. Our whole pack was not home, and it never feels right. I guess I'm so used to my Dad Anthony being home that, when he's not, I feel very weird and nervous. I spent most of the night freaking out in my own mind, making things worse basically. Sometimes my mind wonders so much that I just start making up different scenarios of "what if."

Earlier yesterday, my dad left the news on and of course after they leave a story of a horrid home invasion comes on. This man tied everyone up, molested the 17 and 11 year old children. He took pictures of them on his cell phone and sent them to his friends making jokes. And when he was all done he set the house on fire. I'm not sure what happened to the family after the fact. They could still be alive, I don't know. It happened in a different state, but that doesn't help my mind. Home invasion has been something I have feared and thought about since I was a child. I have always feared anything like this happening to my sister and I, I just know I could never let it happen. That I WILL fight harder than others and I won't ever let myself become a victim. Your in my house, your the victim. Period. Now that I have a shotgun, a gun of my own, I feel a million times better. Although my mind never stays in the positive for too long. I was thinking last night for hours about my safety getting stuck on, the gun getting jammed and what I would do then. I tried to tell myself to relax and stay calm. Having dogs definitely helps because I know that if anyone were trying to get in our dogs would be the first to know. I have to trust that, but even still I am sometimes stupid enough to think, what if they can't hear. It's like a never ending circle of fear. I'm not sure why I go to such an extreme. But my mother has always raised me to be cautious. Maybe not THIS cautious but to definitely be aware. You never know how the cards in life may change.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Daily Poems #3-8

I am now six Daily Poems behind and because of this I decided to give myself a challenge. A while back a friend of mine introduced me to the American way of writing Haiku's. As I have just discovered on Wikipedia, the Japanese write their Haiku's a bit differently and it is quite confusing to me. The Japanese write their Haiku's in 17 moras, not in syllables. Apparently they are very different, however I really am quite too lazy to figure this out. Especially since it makes a huge difference whether they are written in English or Japanese, and I do not know how to speak nor write in Japanese. So here I will attempt to write six decent Haiku's. Or what I now like to call American Haiku's. These will be considered my Daily Poems 3-8!



for my soul will sing
in mountains and the blue sea
forever to hear

your cries will be heard
my song will sooth you to sleep
forever no tears

when my child awakes
smiles shall haunt her precious days
forever no fear.



for you my dear love
i shall suffer with pleasure
sacrificing heart

with every tear
i shall bleed from my sweet flesh
never shall be pain



as i walk these stones
i pass the sweet aroma
the smell of flower

these roses were made
for the sweet souls like my own
for the purest kind

i shall always stop
will foolish patience in time
to smell life growing

forever to stay
will i relieve myself here
such burden to some

but there is one kind
the red yellow of roses
that shall steal heaven

my breath it will take
and with will shall i give thee
every sole time



the rain falls down now
with such an urgent duty
the darkest of clouds

we have been waiting
for these times to come to us
our patience prevailed

the smells of this rain
over come each who exist here
and we shall savor

yes to celebrate
we shall all dance in tribute
coming together

rain will not divide
there is no prejudice here
for nature loves all

although we're not same
rain shall never punish us
for all time it falls.


7. "Small Suffering"

children will now play
in the gardens of their minds
the innocent place

for with ignorance
they have always learned to stay
when darkness takes them

with not a sole choice
resilient they will be
timelessly captive

their eyes tell stories
of pasts buried in their soul
deep secrets to keep

and still they play on
in their little grove gardens
never will they leave



with flowers in spring
rabbit has plenty to eat
waking itchy nose

he shall hop from home
stealing what he always finds
carrots in great sight

with munches of joy
echo's race through the garden
for all to now hear

not worried is he
gathering with all his time
he shall gallop fast

hopping to safety
he stares at his tasty goods
full belly to come

Wow I had a really fun time writing all of these Haiku's. I don't think I would have ever wrote such poetry without this blog. It was a very good idea to start as I have mentioned before. I knew I was in the right mood today to express such emotion and imagination. My mind has has been wondering today. Not to mention the many things that are going on in my life. Today my real Dad called me and that always makes me happy. He seems to be calling more often. I'm always very worried about him but as time goes on, it definitely heals. For quite some time now he has been making the right decisions for himself and has been doing so well. I know now that he is here for me and it feels good. It's what I'v been waiting for, for so much of my life now. I don't think though that without the mistakes my Dad has made that I would be the same person I am today and I don't think my emotions would be at the level they are now.

I'm not sure if I have worded that correctly enough to understand but I have always felt that with pain in life comes so much more emotion in ones personality. And without all of my emotions I couldn't write the way I do. My amount of empathy for the characters I imagine or the situations I make up in my mind is endless. With empathy comes great understanding in my opinion. You can never understand some things completely but it's the thought that counts. Especially when so genuine. Everything I write is genuine. Never so personal though. I tend to write so randomly that stories seem to develop on their own in strange ways.  I feel most of the time that I am not writing my own poetry but that some force in me lives there and sometimes likes to express itself by possessing me. Never have I thought of a story and then wrote the story more beautiful. I have always just began to write and eventually it turns into a story. Only images can come to me in such an instance and I never know why. But I write about them and describe them the best of my ability for others to see so I can share such beautiful places in my mind. My many upon many "grove gardens."

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Family Reunion

I am four Daily Poems behind schedule as of now. But I had a very busy weekend. Our family reunion was on Saturday. There were probably over 200 of us there all at our cousin Monica's house. And that wasn't even all of us. There were a huge number of people who couldn't make it. We had a lot of fun though. They held a hula hoop contest and I was one of the winners. I got a $20 gift certificate to Jamba Juice, which is one of my favorite places ever. I love wheat grass. So anyway, I met so many cousins who I never had even heard of before the reunion and it was just beautiful. Of course most of today has been spent trying to find all of them or as many as I can on Facebook. Everyone has posting wonderful things about how much fun they had. Pictures are almost endless to look at from the reunion. It was catered and when it started getting late the DJ showed up and played music till 11p.m. I danced with my long lost cousins for hours and we just had fun laughing, drinking and enjoying each others company. I spoke with some of my family in deep conversation and it felt so good. Family is one of the most important things. I am lucky I have so much family. This family reunion was only for my great-grandmother Alice and her three sister. The family that was there were only their kids and grand children and great grand children. I am truly blessed. And although we are all so different it doesn't separate us because we all share blood and no matter what we are all connected for all time.

This is my Grandma Alice' children all in her color, purple. She's in the middle of all the madness with a hula hoop in her hand (:

Friday, September 17, 2010

Daily Poem #2

Before the day ends I would like to get a "Poem of the Day" in. My family took a road trip today to northern California and our five hour trip turned into a seven hour trip. On the way we always drive through cow farms in the middle of nowhere and this time we ended up in completely stopped traffic. But we always find a way to make the best out of things. My (step) dad Anthony decided to make a party for everyone else in traffic and rolled all the windows down in the car and blasted Michael Jackson. He was dancing so crazy in the drivers seat that the whole car was shaking. We couldn't breathe hardly because of the rancid smell of cow poop but my mom and I were laughing hysterically while my sister Amanda was crying because she couldn't breathe and she was trying to hold her breath. My mom recorded most of it on her camera. I hope soon I can get it up on here if I can figure it out for who ever to see. I'm just glad we'v finally made it. Tomorrow is our family reunion. Our reason for coming. And it should be extremely exciting considering it's our very first. And now before it turns midnight and is no longer today...I shall write as I have promised to myself.

Poem of the Day #2

As I reach for you my dear
I can only feel the ice from your soul.

And as I freeze here for you
my body is overwhelmed with darkness,

Time will only stand still for me
as yours shall go on.

I give myself to you
my life now forever gone.

If you shall one day warm me of your love
I shall come to you unchanged.

My desires shall stay as the day
you held me here captive.

I pray in silence for your cold heart
to come to me in light.

But forever I shall suffer in your black abyss
waiting with undying love.

This poem started with one line stuck in my head and twisted into a whole other dark land of imagination. I knew this Daily Poem thing was a good idea. It's a forceful way to make myself ponder into the imagination I know I always have with me.

Slight Thoughts

When dark ruins put you to your rest
everything is still in the night.

As you are now,
cold skin with such red on your cheeks.

The grave tells all to each of us
as our time grows slim in these whirls of sand.

In our glass we shall stay
forever pondering if hours shall exist elsewhere.

My eyes are so puffy I can't quite concentrate at the task at hand. I got somewhat a good ways through. At least I tried. And now this small bit poem will have to join my quite large collection of half worked creations to maybe one day form a full poem of their own one. This is how my poem "The Intentions of the Walker" (click here for poem) seemed to come about. I wrote for days and days and thought up all of these ridiculous lines. They soon all became one. I connected the dots finally and my thoughts came together.

There's nothing more annoying than never being able to place your thoughts together. When they'r so complicated you have to piece them together like a puzzle...it gets old. But it's the only way I work at times. So I have to deal. There is no escape from ones self. No matter.

Right at this moment I am finding myself even more restless and it only continues. So I will form here send myself to sleep and write more in the morning.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

My Very 1st Daily Poem

So I'm thinking of doing a daily poem. Whether it be crappy or something silly, I may just write something good every once in a while. We'll see how this goes. I'm already trying to start a habit in myself to be here everyday. Even if I feel the need to come on my blog twice or more a day. So here it goes...

Poem of the Day! #1

ripples in the pool of water
take to me timeless motions

where life in it's simplicity
wraps you in it's warm arms

although chills may come upon you
you are always contempt in the end

contempt with nature telling you
everything is o.k.

and as the leaves above you
play with one another in the wind

you look to the skies that have always
over time told stories themselves

for they have seen all in this world
and have shared secrets with our wind

dirt fills the cracks in our feet
and we feel at one with this earth

for someday we shall become
this dirt under our selves

but for now, we live
in beauty of these lands.

For as many distractions as I have going on I think I didn't do half bad. Forceful poetry can be the answer to my continuous lack of inspiration for writing. For writing anything. I'v been working on a story of a Zombie and it's mistress. I can't say anymore then this but my mind has been racing for so long with so many ideas I can never seem to settle with anything. Not to mention by the time I'm done brain storming I don't even want to write anymore. My fingers get cramped and I am tired.

I remember watching a documentary on people who have problems with writing all day...literally! This man sat at his desk with papers literally covering his entire floor and something in them just makes them not want to stop writing. Who knows what kind of things they'r writing. Maybe they write the same things over and over sometimes. You can't have that much to write about can you? It was amazing to me. I remember thinking it would probably be a gift for a writer to have that problem. So many idea's would come about if you wrote that often. Lets say Stephen King had this problem. How many more books do you think would have been published if he had this disorder? I bet they would even want to sell some of his writings that may not have even made sense. He's famous enough that people would buy his random thoughts in a 300 page book for $50.00. Classic. Maybe I would too.

Fred Morning Memory

I haven't been up this early in quite some time. 07:30a.m. the time in which my sister needs me to get up to take her to school. She's wearing her Fred shirt today. Fred has been a huge sensation on YouTube for who knows how long and now he's getting famous. He's coming out with his own movie that will be premiered on Nickelodeon. We could have been in that movie!

One day I saw a post from Fred on Facebook that he was going to be in our area (about 20-30 min away) shooting a video at a Target! And we could be in it if we just showed up! So it said to be there by 01:30p.m. We arrived at 01:00p.m. Stayed till 04:00p.m. We were hot and exhausted. We met other kids who had already been in Fred videos who ended up leaving! So we left too, only to later find out on Fred's Twitter! That he actually wasn't going to be there till 04:30p.m. All we had to do is hang in there thirty more minutes and we could have been in a scene in the Fred movie and his music video!!! I felt soooo bad the next morning when we found out. Honestly, I felt like crying. But I knew it only would make my sister cry and make her even more upset about a big opportunity we could have had. Oh well.

We all try not to dwell on the past. But when I see my little sister wearing her Fred shirt proudly...it makes me sad I couldn't make her dream come true because my phone died right when we left that day so there was no way of us getting any new info on the matter! And jealous I don't have a Fred shirt either!!

First Blog

I had in the past created a blog before this one. Avery unsuccessful blog considering I never used it and forgot everything from my password to the e-mail I used and my user name. Must have been something around Eyes Chambers. I have used the name for many things. I change my mind so often I can never quite stay on the same page with myself for too long. I'm not sure why this is.

Lately I have been less and less inspired to write in general. And also a shocker, more so in my own journal. It has become my worse enemy for some reason beyond me. I have been depressed enough to write in my journal yet the pages lay empty for many days. I don't usually write when i'm happy which has always been interesting to me. I like to keep dates of things that have happened to me for a record. I have the worse memory on the planet for my age and so when I build up all of these events in my life sometimes I would like to have a reminder of which came first. My memory works worse in that department. I can sometimes think that something that happened three weeks ago happened two months ago. Many strange looks come to me in my life believe me of this.

Now that I think more of this blogging thing, I think that it can help me with my writers block. I still write little things here and there but what I really want is to get back to my real dream. The dream of writing my own book. To say that I had finally finished a story. A real story. Not just a tiny poem with a picture to paint in your mind. Pictures are easy. There's nothing to it. At least for a person like myself. But to tell a good tale. To tell a story of fiction which would touch some hearts and make them smile and enjoy your book as a time passer. That would be a dream. A huge dream of mine. I have many issues with this though. Dreaming things and never doing much to accomplish any of it. I have dreamed since the day I was born.

My mother told me, that when I was born, I never cried. She thought I was dead at first. She told me that I just simply stared around the room. Almost emotionless. As a baby she never knew if I needed a diaper changed or when I might have been hungry because I rarely cried. She would wake in the morning and check on me in my crib. I would be laying there staring and she would get worried because she had no clue as to how long I had been awake. Perhaps starving without a care. In some ways I'm still like this. If there is anything wrong with me physically I get very quiet. I guess we all have our "things".